I call my son the "King of Non Sequitur." It's most apparent first thing in the morning, when Jack emerges from his bedroom with his hair all tousled and his eyes still sleepy.
I'll ask him how he slept or what he wants for breakfast, and he'll say something like, "Can you juice a raisin?"
I haven't even poured my coffee, but I'm always game for a philosophical discussion. Also, I've grown accustomed to his thought process, which is as random as his morning hairstyle, so I say:
"No. That would just be grape juice. Raisins are dried grapes."
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Jack thinks on that a minute.
"But prune juice is prune juice," he says. "Not plum juice."
I take a gulp of coffee instead of a sip because it's obvious I'm going to need it. I look at him and he stares back at me, his chin resting in his hands.
"That's true," I say. (Another gulp of coffee.) "I guess... well... (gulp)... I guess I don't know if you can juice a raisin. (Gulp.) I've never heard of that... (gulp) Maybe you can."
Then I shrug, defeated.
"Yeah," Jack says smugly. "That's what I thought."
"Now what would you like for breakfast, sire?" I say, bowing. "Would the King of Non Sequitur prefer waffles or Frosted Flakes?
"Perhaps a glass of raisin juice, my lord?"
Non sequitur, of course, is a Latin term that means "it does not follow" — a statement that is not connected in a clear or logical way to anything said before it. Many children, particularly my 10-year-old son, can elevate the practice to an art form.
There's a spider called the Goliath bird-eater that's the size of a dinner plate!
See what I just did there? Non sequitur. And, actually, it's kind of fun.
Essentially, a parent's life is like Monty Python's "And Now For Something Completely Different" running on an endless loop, only without so much wink-wink-nudge-nudge or men in bikinis.
Speaking of which...
Lost a mitten?
Has one of your children's mittens, gloves, hats or scarves gone missing?
Check the school lost-and-found.
School newsletters across the area are going out with notices about overflowing lost-and-found boxes. Warm afternoons mean lots of gloves, hats, coats and jackets left abandoned on the playground.
So before you buy replacements for those winter clothes, make sure you've checked with your child's school. Then label coats or jackets with your child's name in permanent marker, to increase the likelihood that it will be returned.