10 ways to spot a jerk

01/21/2014 2:21 PM

08/08/2014 10:21 AM

Here are 10 ways to spot a jerk, so you don’t waste your precious time.

No. 1: A jerk’s actions don’t match his words. A good guy will always follow through on what he tells you. When he can’t, he’ll let you know and won’t leave you trying to figure out what happened. If he’s not doing this, he’s not worthy of dating you.

No. 2: A jerk disappears then comes back then disappears again. This is a man hunting for what I call Shiny Penny Syndrome. He’s looking for someone who he perceives might be a better fit than you are. What makes him a jerk is that when it doesn’t work out, he comes back to you until he finds his next conquest.

No. 3: A jerk is a narcissist who wants his way in every situation. He’ll manipulate you into doing what he wants to do even when you say NO. When you give in, you end up feeling like you betrayed yourself. A good guy will honor your no’s.

No. 4: A jerk treats service people poorly. If he takes you to his favorite restaurant and his meal shows up wrong, he’ll blast the poor waiter with his anger. This guy often displays road rage as well. A good guy knows things can go awry and gives someone a chance to correct it.

No. 5: A jerk takes you to a party and leaves you at the door to fend for yourself. A good guy will introduce you to the people he knows in the room and will make sure you’re taken care of with food, drinks and people to talk to.

No. 6: A jerk only cares about having his needs met. Your needs fall far below his on the priority list. A good guy is into pleasing you and making you happy. If he’s not, let him go.

No. 7: A jerk is usually passive aggressive. If you’re trying to work an issue out, he’ll act like everything is OK. Get with other people and he bad-mouths your decision, looking for confirmation from others that he’s right. A good guy will work issues out with you and even if he disagrees with the final decision, he will keep it to himself.

No. 8: A jerk asks you for a date but doesn’t call to confirm whether it’s happening. You end up calling him and he holds your life up telling you he’s not sure how long his meeting is going to be. A good guy will make sure you have the details for your date, including the time, place and when he’ll pick you up. Then he shows up or calls to let you know he’s running late – not the other way around.

No. 9: A jerk makes all the decisions for both of you, thinking he knows what’s best for you. No one knows you better than you and a good guy will make sure your feelings and thoughts are part of the decision process.

No. 10: A jerk doesn’t make sure you feel emotionally, physically or spiritually safe. You may feel financially safe with him but that’s not enough. He’ll be the one criticizing what you wear or how you do things. A good guy may offer constructive criticism but does it in a loving way that encourages your personal growth.

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