Dear Abby: My best friend "Zoe" is unable to have children. She tried in vitro four times without success. The doctors told her there's nothing else they can do. Her uterus is not able to carry a child to term.
Zoe and her husband have decided to adopt. However, it is very expensive and all of their savings went toward the IVF treatments. Zoe's mom wants to have a benefit to raise money for them. I am against the idea because, in my opinion, benefits are given for something you don't choose (like cancer or a house fire). Adopting a child is a choice.
I live paycheck-to-paycheck as it is, and I don't feel comfortable donating to this cause. What if they change their minds after the benefit or the adoption doesn't work out? What will they do with the money then?
Is what they're planning acceptable? Am I wrong to feel this way? I know I'll be talked about by Zoe and her mother if I don't contribute. —FRIEND IN CONFLICT
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Dear Friend In Conflict: Whether Zoe and her mother retaliate by gossiping about you is beside the point. I see nothing wrong with a benefit.
If Zoe and her husband can't afford to adopt a baby, another option they might consider is becoming foster parents. There are thousands of children who need good homes and loving parents and that, to me, would be the perfect solution. Please suggest it to them. If you are living paycheck-to-paycheck, then you do not have money to donate to this cause or any other right now.