(To the tune of "Silent Night")
Time to write
Lyrics with bite
Words are wrong
Never miss a local story.
To this song
That's the point of this holiday game
Parodies that are funny, not lame
Make us laugh till we cry
Win a fabulous prize.
Attention, holiday authors: After 10 years, we're asking you to redirect your talents from sentimental to snarky.
We've ended The Eagle's annual finish-the-story contest, which had a good run. More than 10,000 people completed our tales over the past decade, but now it's time to try something new.
What we've come up with will require imagination, wit and rhyming skills.
We're asking readers to come up with a Christmas carol parody. The best one wins its clever author a $200 gift card.
Don't worry — no singing is required.
Contest entrants simply must choose a recognizable holiday song and rewrite the lyrics to make them humorous and topical.
Entrants can use any holiday song and rewrite as much of it as they choose.
We'll give extra points for lyrics that are specific to Wichita. Perhaps an ode to WaterWalk written to the tune of "Jingle Bells." Or maybe "O Come, O Come, Costco and Trader Joe's." (I could finish the rest of that one so easily. DOH! Unfortunately, employees of The Eagle and their families cannot win, among other rules.)
We'll narrow the entries to the funniest and most creative, then give readers a chance to vote on three winners. The top parody gets a $200 gift card. Second place gets $150, and third earns $100.
And now for the fine print:
The Wichita Eagle's Christmas Carol Parody Contest
Entrants should choose a recognizable holiday song and rewrite the lyrics. A panel of judges will select a group of finalists, with extra consideration given for lyrics that are locally relevant.
Entries must be received no later than Dec. 6, either by snail mail or e-mail. Online voting will run from Dec. 8-13 on Kansas.com. More details about how to participate will be published before the voting begins.
The winning parodies will be published in the newspaper and on the website on Dec. 19.
The first-place winner will receive a $200 gift card to a local retailer of choice. Second place gets a $150 gift card, and third place gets a $100 gift card.
Participants may be any age. They can enter as many parodies as they'd like. Parodies must be original, and we will be double-checking. Violators will be disqualified and turned into the Plagiarism Police.
The length of the parody is up to the author. We will accept a single verse or a whole song.
Each entry must contain the writer's name, age, current hometown and a daytime phone number. Entrants must make themselves available for photographs and interviews for stories that will appear in the paper and at Kansas.com. on Dec. 19.
E-mail entries: Parodies may be e-mailed, but the e-mail must contain the subject line "Christmas Parody."
E-mail attachments will not be accepted.
E-mail entries should be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org. E-mails must arrive no later than Dec. 6.
Mail entries: Entries also may be mailed. They must be typed or printed legibly. They must be received at The Eagle by Dec. 6. Send them to:
Wichita Eagle Newsroom
825 E. Douglas
Wichita, KS 67202