Posted on Fri, May. 09, 2008

If there's one place that's synonymous with family fun, it's Baghdad. So it didn't surprise me to hear that American developers are planning to build a Disney-style amusement park in downtown Baghdad. Right next to the Green Zone.

I'm not kidding. You can't make this stuff up. It's too crazy.

According to news reports, the Pentagon has given the green light to the attraction, which will include a cultural center, condos, shopping malls and restaurants around a lagoon, amusement rides and a giant skateboard park.

John March, executive vice president of Ride and Show Engineering, the contractor, downplayed the obvious risks of building an American-style theme park in one of the world's most lethal war zones.

"Well, you live here in Southern California and there's drive-bys and everything else," he told Fox News. "So there's danger everywhere, and I think the key thing is this will be tremendous for Baghdad."

He said the $500 million project is being fast-tracked by the Pentagon, which helped develop the plan. Gen. David Petraeus is said to be a big booster.

They're calling it the "Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience."

It will be an experience, I'm sure of that.

Thrill-seekers will love it. Talk about white-knuckle excitement -- imagine being on the top of a giant Ferris wheel when the city's electricity goes out! And the mortar rounds start coming in.

Those screams you hear? Just people having fun.

The skateboard park is slated to open in July. About 200,000 skateboards will be shipped from America to Baghdad to be distributed for free.

Why do I have the uneasy feeling that some of these skateboards are going to fall into the hands of insurgents and be used against us?

I can hear the Pentagon now: "Suicide bombers on skateboards? We never had a contingency plan for that."

I think we need to think this through.

True, a Baghdad theme park does offer opportunities for innovative rides.

How about IED bumper cars, where riders try to steer their cars through controlled explosions? Just be sure to wear your flak jacket.

Or the Whack-A-Sunni carnival booth? That would be popular, at least with Shiites.

Saddam's Spook Shack could take terrified riders through a gauntlet of pop-up ghouls and thugs.

Attention, visitors: The helicopter ride is now leaving the roof of the U.S. Embassy. You don't want to be left behind!

This loony project is perhaps a fitting capstone to our national fantasy in Iraq. The idea that we would remake the Middle East in our image was at the heart of Bush & Co.' s arrogant and culturally naive vision for the region.

And a side benefit, of course, would be the opening of new markets as big as Texas for American "bidness."

They've accomplished that, to some extent, with a select group of private U.S. contractors making out like bandits.

American taxpayers? Not so much.

Meanwhile, five years after liberation, most Baghdad residents continue to live in a hellhole, with intermittent electricity and services and the constant threat of bombings and attacks.

This week, about 6,000 residents of Sadr City fled that massive slum, trying to escape a flare-up of militia fighting.

To say they're looking for fun might miss the point. They're trying to survive.

The Green Zone, where Americans are hunkered down, continues to be the target of almost daily mortar shelling.

The lack of progress hasn't exactly endeared us to Iraqis or inspired confidence in these kind of grand schemes.

Some U.S. Embassy officials are among those who think this project is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. They privately say that it's unrealistic to launch anything so ambitious when security still hasn't been established.

I don't want to be a killjoy, but count me a skeptic, too.

Seems to me that an American-financed and -promoted entertainment district might as well have a big bull's-eye painted on it.

The idea has some merit. Baghdad residents, especially the children, need "normal" experiences and outlets for fun. But are we really the ones to organize the good times?

My guess is that Iraqis don't want a Cheesecake Factory. They just want us to leave.

I'm going to pass on this hot new vacation stop for now. But, Thomas Etheredge, wherever you are: I think I've found your next project.

Randy Scholfield is an Eagle editorial writer. His column appears on Fridays. Reach him at 316-268-6545 or rscholfield@wichitaeagle.com.