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A list of don’ts to last all season

  • Eagle correspondent
  • Published Saturday, May 17, 2014, at 12 a.m.

It’s going to get hot.

Yes, winter was cold, snowy, icy, gray and all, but before you know it you won’t be able to touch your steering wheel without getting a second-degree burn. You’re in Kansas, and Kansas gets hot. Add some wind to high temps, a healthy dose of humidity and plenty of pollen and you’ve got yourself summer.

Summer is a season when we should concentrate on what not to do, what not to wear and what not to say. In other words, it’s three months of don’ts. Here are some examples:

Don’t think that by walking outside for 15 seconds you’ve judged the weather. It’s hotter than you think.

Don’t buy expensive sunglasses, because you’ll lose them within two weeks. Buy cheap ones and you’ll have them forever.

Don’t leave the house without looking in a full-length mirror. Front, back and side. It’s not fun, but necessary.

Don’t get a deep, dark tan thinking it will make you look thinner. It will only make you look cancer prone and leathery.

Don’t dive into the shallow end of the pool.

Don’t forget that some insects are wild about cologne, perfume, hairspray, etc.

Don’t use the heat as an excuse to look like a hot mess.

Don’t show more skin than anyone wants to see. Yes, even those of you with terrific bodies.

Don’t wear socks with your sandals. Please.

Don’t wear sandals unless you’ve had a pedicure.

Don’t think people won’t notice gnarly feet.

Don’t forget the sunscreen.

Don’t forget that some summer fabrics are very thin, and if light shines through them they become transparent.

Don’t forget that just because that cute outfit comes in your size doesn’t mean it is something you should wear.

Don’t wear neon colors unless you want to be noticed, and if you want to be noticed make sure you look good in neon colors.

Don’t assume everyone wants to see your muscles, no matter how hard you’ve worked out over the winter.

Don’t say “Come on over and swim” unless you mean it.

Don’t say, “It is so hot!” Everyone already knows that unless they’re in a cave, and even they have to go out sometimes.

Don’t comment on a swimming suit someone else is wearing unless it’s a compliment. Life is tough enough.

Don’t compliment someone’s swimming suit unless you mean it. If it’s a deadly choice you don’t want to encourage them.

Don’t think you look cool riding around in a convertible. If your face is squinty or scrunched up due to the glare of the sun, you don’t look cool. You look like you’re in pain.

Even with all the don’ts, the most important one is: Don’t let anything keep you from having a fun summer.

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