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My Answer/Billy Graham

  • Published Friday, Jan. 20, 2012, at 8:06 a.m.

Dear Rev. Graham: I don’t know what’s wrong with my husband and me. It’s gotten to the point that we fight over everything, even when it’s not particularly important. It wasn’t like this at first. What’s gone wrong, and can God somehow get us out of this?

Dear reader: I want to assure you that God doesn’t want your marriage to be like this — and it doesn’t need to be, if you’ll turn it — and your lives — over to Him. God gave marriage to us, and He wants to help us follow His design for marriage.

Have you ever asked yourself why you and your husband can’t ever agree, even on things that don’t really matter? I suspect the real reason is that you both want to be in control, and you can’t stand giving in to the other person, even if they are right. In other words, the real problem isn’t just with your spouse; the real problem is within you (as well as within him). And until you change, you can’t expect him to change either.

How can you change? First, be honest about your pride and your unwillingness to give up your desire to have your own way. That won’t be easy; admitting our pride and our stubbornness seldom is. But always insisting on our own way is an almost-certain path to conflict. The Bible says, "Love is patient, love is kind. ... it is not self-seeking" (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

Then turn your life — including your marriage — over to Jesus Christ. He wants to come into your lives and take away your self-centeredness, and then give you a new love for each other. And He will, as you submit to Him every day. Don’t give up, but open your heart to Jesus Christ today.

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